I was fearful that Valentines Day was going to be rough, I have 3 consecutive good Valentines experiences on record, previous to these happy memories I subscribed to the notion that Valentines was a capitalist holiday, and well I was just too cool to care about something so pathetic with all the flowers and chocolate and romance. Of course the truth was, as it is for many, that I was bitter and cynical because my heart was empty and my life had been void of these lovely experiences that so many other people, dare I say ‘normal’ people, enjoy.
Then it happened, I got the flowers, and chocolate and romance, for three years.
This year its all gone. I’m on the other side of the world, and just a few days ago I got a message informing me that he has moved in with someone, moved on…
(pursuing truth…I haven’t decided how much honesty is too much honesty for this blog, am I going to just put it all out there??)
And now I have a choice to make, to let go for real, no false hope that things will work out. At this point any rational person would agree that its an impossible situation. I am a logical, rational person. Logically speaking I know that I have a responsibility in my own pain. Should I continue to believe in this false hope, I will only guarantee myself further pain. Unfortunately matters of the heart are not resolved by rational logical thinking. Thus a war is being waged between my heart and my head.